the sound of NO silence…

Lots of people don’t have the luxury of having a brain MRI (like I did a couple weeks ago) to eliminate the possibilities that can keep you up at night. At least I KNOW it’s not caused by a brain bleed, a tumor, or any damage to my ears. I also know it’s not due to any hearing loss (as a local ENT told me) as my hearing’s perfect.

It’s been 5 months and my research tells me that the only true “cure” is to retrain your brain. Medication & white noise weren’t options I’d consider. White noise irritates the snot out of me & no one gets quality sleep while drugged.

My frequency sounds like there’s a 10 pound mosquito in your bedroom at night – only there’s no variation like you’d get from a real mosquito, as it draws close or farther away. It’s LOUD. And it NEVER stops. Never. And it probably won’t. And thinking it won’t leads to bad thoughts. REALLY bad thoughts. Especially someone like me, that until this happened to me, couldn’t function without some silence to my day.

I’d stay up late(r) just for the silence.

So now I meditate. And pray for the strength to ignore it. Oh how I pray. I’m doing much better too. So much so that Ken thought it had gone away. Spouses typically dismiss this affliction because they can’t see the battle within. If ignoring the sound is winning how would they ever be expected to know??

I used to have to read until I passed out to get to sleep. I can usually get to sleep okay. It’s waking up and being too fuzzy to read or meditate back to sleep, that’s hard. It’s really one of those things that you can’t fathom, unless you happen to be one of the 50 million of us that has it. Although this link does a pretty good job.

They say Tinnitus is a symptom of something else. That bit of knowledge causes the most distress early on. I’m one of the lucky ones in that there’s nothing operable in my head that’s causing this. I didn’t know that until the MRI. I might even get luckier still and wake up with it gone one day.

I’d really like that!🙏🏻🙏🏻

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